I had never even met this guy, and here he was, ripping me publicly in an email to dozens upon dozens of people in our company.
Andy was a manager in the test department, and I managed a development team. Team members from our departments had gotten into a conflict. Instead of talking to me about it, Andy chose to send a mass email deriding me and my department.
I was so angry that I spent the entire morning with my office door closed. I paced and thought of various harsh ways to respond to his audacious, offensive email. By noon, I finally calmed down and decided the best course was to not respond by email at all. I bit my tongue and simply worked behind the scenes to solve the problems.
Three weeks later, a re-organization occurred, and Andy was assigned to be my colleague, testing my team's work. I told my manager I didn't think I could work with Andy, but I would give it a try.
Surprisingly, Andy became my favorite test manager to ever work with.
We never discussed that email or that incident. We just moved forward. Andy and I found that we both had a passion for the people who worked for us. We both wanted excellence. We learned how to collaborate flexibly and effectively. We became adept at finding common ground. As a result, our teams delivered perhaps the most rock-solid product in our division's history, one that was still being used by major customers nearly twenty years after we delivered it.
Today our society seems to demand clapback at everyone who offends us. People go out of their way to take offense and then double down, even if they are found to be wrong. We have little patience for our opponents. It's rare to bite our tongues. I can only imagine things getting worse during the remainder of the election season and beyond.
Jesus commanded a different approach, as he stated in Matthew 5:38-45.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
"You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."
Does anyone follow this saying from Jesus anymore? Do we know better than Jesus? Would we argue that Jesus just doesn't understand how things are? Would we argue that Jesus didn't really mean this passage?
But Jesus commanded it.
Certainly, there are times to stand up for ourselves. But many times, we simply need to bite our tongues, turn our cheeks, walk the extra mile, and exhibit patience toward our opponents. Maybe those enemies will turn into good friends and teammates, just as Andy and I found. I think that was what Jesus believed could happen.
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