Freewheeling Blog: Ridiculous Clothes for Ridiculous Moments

Have you ever had an episode where you say, "This is the most ridiculous moment of my life?" And then you experience another that tops the first?

I've had several "most ridiculous moments," but I've narrowed them down to two equally crazy scenes to share with you.

The first occurred during my junior year of high school in Poteet, Texas, after I was chosen as King of the Strawberry Festival therein. I mostly enjoyed fun, wonderful experiences, but I came across a ridiculous moment in my final act as King.

The night of the Festival parade, I was asked to attend the Queen's Dance at the local dance hall, Kicker Palace. While "KP" would be my primary hangout my senior year, I had never visited it to this point. The Festival leaders required me to wear my strawberry crown and a tuxedo (see me in the tux above).

Get the picture: I walked into - KICKER PALACE - wearing a tux and a crown. Absurd to start with. The queen, Tammy, was waiting, dressed in a white gown and crown.

We stood awkwardly for a while before our handler notified the owner of our presence. He cleared the dance floor and ordered the band to play "Let Me Call You Sweetheart" while I escorted Tammy in stately fashion around the perimeter of the dance floor. Bad enough, but because he had no spotlight, the owner stood in the center of the dance floor and shined a flashlight on us.

I muttered to Tammy, "This is the most ridiculous moment of my life." She agreed.

It probably still is, but another came close. When I was working in radio news and sports at KGVL in Greenville, the owner required the entire staff to wear costumes on Halloween. I protested, because in my news anchor role, I might have to cover breaking news outside the station. The owner was unmoved; I had to wear a costume.

On a prior day, Sara had entered a contest at her workplace, wearing a naval captain costume and posing as the drunken captain of the Exxon Valdez ship that caused so much damage in Alaska (Google it). We built a cardboard ship that strapped around Sara's shoulders and waist, and she carried a corn squeezings jug. The ensemble won us a trip to Las Vegas.

I re-used the captain's outfit without all the trappings on Halloween, just to have something to wear at the radio station.

I was hoping I didn't have to go anywhere that day, but alas, a major traffic accident happened on a prominent road. I went to cover it - impersonating a sea captain. Approaching the scene, I had to convince the police I wasn't a complete moron but a legitimate reporter. While I collected information and gathered sound bites from the police alongside the road, slow-moving cars drove by, onlookers honking, waving, and laughing at me. On the surface, I took the ribbing good-naturedly, but my professional side was irritated at looking so ridiculous while doing my job.

Do clothes make the man? I hope not, because wearing a tux to Kicker Palace and a captain's outfit to a traffic accident would indicate that my mom or wife needs to dress me every day before I leave the house.